tuesday truths....thinking out loud...

you ever feel like
a struggle?

not like you wanna
get into a struggle
but
like you
yourself
are literally
a struggle
in human form…
in bare feet and a polka dot dress….

like you are
just a bundle of mixed messages
and live wires….
full of messy contradictions
and your
cables of communication
can suddenly fray and frizzle
and you are bouncing
back and forth between
shouting
leave me alone
and whispering
but
i don’t want to be
alone.

and then you drink some peppermint tea
in a snoopy mug
and feel the grass you should be cutting
under your bare feet
and the birds are singing
and the cat is purring and rubbing against your back
and the sun is starting to set
and you think meh….whatever…
everything is pretty a-ok….
and you go watch a cartoon before bed.

♥

whatcha readin'? {goal 40::book 6}

this book.

i did not know
anything about this book
and bought it on a whim
but holy catfish
it was good.

i read it back
in april
so i can’t remember
hardly anything about it
but i know i loved it…
and that it reminded me of
mulan
a little bit…

i loved it so much
i want someone to make a
movie of it.

♥♥♥♥♥ 5 out of 5
NEXT UP:: WHISKEY IN A TEACUP - REESE WITHERSPOON

slow living in the big orange house...

I am not sure that this is
really a
new
direction for me…
but I am definitely
leaning into it hard
right now.

slow living.
living with intention.
mindfulness.
whatever you would like to call it,
it is my new happy place.

I am taking life slow
and really trying to savor
all the small moments…
and experience all the things,
from the most mundane dish washing tasks
to the bracing icy cold showers
I have been attempting to add to my day.

I have been watching a lot of Andrew Huberman
on youtube…
and trying to incorporate some of what
he talks about into my daily routine…
(hence the cold showers)
but also getting out into the sun in the mornings,
trying to catch the sunset (while getting in a walk),
yoga nidra (which I just tried today and LOVED)…

proof of a sunset walk….

And at the same time,
I am really trying to embrace my life.
I am working on things -
my house, my career, my health,
my relationships with family & friends
and making sure I fit in the fun creative stuff, too.
(like crochet WHICH I AM ADDICTED TO
even though I still kinda suck) :)

There are so many things that make me happy right now.
The heat pump making my living room so toasty,
fuzzy socks, silky pjs, ice cold water (in a glass, not in the shower),
a quick evening walk in the rain, lilacs in a jar of water,
talking to the plants, watching the Office with 27,
trips to the dollar store and finding the cutest pillow case ever,
doing the 30 day declutter challenge with friends and making this
area a little less stressy (poor girl fix, heh).

This feels good.
For a little while, I was feeling
out of sorts…wrinkles, weight gain, strike, money and stuff…
but I feel like I have settled a bit.

I have found a bit of a groove.
And I like it. I think I am gonna stay here for a while.
♥♥♥

friday i'm in love....

It’s Friday again
which,
I am not sure if you know
or not,
but it most definitely
my most favorite-ist day
of the week.

Even when I have to work.

I still love Friday.

Even when it’s a cool, kinda rainy day.

I still love Friday.

It just makes me happy,
it makes me feel excited
and full of bubbles and ideas and
oh-the-possibilities-that-lie-in-the-weekend-ahead!!!

Even if I have no plans…
sometimes,
ESPECIALLY
if i have no plans….
someone called me an extroverted introvert recently
and that
made a lot
of sense to me.

It felt like i came home. ♥

FRIDAY and I’M LOVING:

♥ this little cartoon which brought me to this which, honestly, brought me to tears. real tears. a good hard cry if i was telling the truth. and i generally always tell the truth.

♥ i might have a small travel bug…

♥ this. 100% this. i got in trouble once for taking “too many selfies”…that i was embarrassing myself. this came at a period in my life when i was probably the lowest i have ever been (except once before, a long time ago) and was really struggling behind closed doors…my outside persona was bright and shiny and selfie-happy but really, i was bit of a broken, sad, turning 50, not-sure-of-who-i-was-anymore on so many levels and trying to piece together the shards of my shattered self confidence after being cheated on at the end of a 20 year marriage…and i was navigating this the only way i knew how. not saying it was the right way. but it was my way. {all this is to say that words sting. even the well-intentioned ones.} the truth is no matter how well we think we know someone, we don’t really know what is going on for them…and honestly…i like selfies. i like to see where i was, who i was, i am ok with my lines and wrinkles and sun spots. they remind me that i laughed a lot and that i lived & loved my life. and that makes me happy.

i want you to take selfies, if you wanna. I want to celebrate your happiness and your good days and help you find your way through the rough patches. i want be your biggest fangirl and your loudest cheerleader. :) no matter how annoying i may be while doing that. Heehee. & if you don’t wanna take them, that’s a-ok, too!

♥ i am not gonna lie (i know, i already covered that above, haha) but i have a super sweet soft spot for Ryan Gosling and i adore Margot Robbie so i kinda can’t wait for this!

♥ my new plants…is it weird that i just want to hang out in here…ALL the time?

♥ finally feeling like i am starting to get the hang of crochet after SO many years of attempts

now i’m off to maybe
paint a random hallway
and turn a bedroom into a
master closet
or a secret reading hideway
or a FORT…
or all of the above.
(did i mention endless possibilities?)

the search for the PERFECT ADVENTURE BACKPACK.....

i was all prepared
for a wordless wednesday post
but then
i realized
it’s actually thursday
(and technically,
it’s kinda my friday
since i am off tomorrow.)
:)

it’s a rainy, cool evening
and i am determined to find
the
PERFECT ADVENTURE BACKPACK.

this has been on my list
of things to do for months.

here’s the thing.
it needs to be cute
but functional….
can be worn with jeans
or a dress….
but doesn’t hurt my shoulders…
and it needs to carry:
- a journal/notebook
- a small pencil case (possibly 2)
- an emergency can of diet coke
- sunscreen
- candy
- bug spray
- lip smacker (root beer flavor)
- a snack
- car keys
- my phone
- a handful of smurfs
- coyote spray (& that needs to be easily accessible)
- headphones
- my wallet or at least my debit card…

this has been wayyyyyy harder than
i anticipated.
i have literally been looking for
MONTHS.

the perfect backpack is out there
waiting for me,
i just know it.

maybe tonight’s my night.

{{also i just realized that
i have literally put THIS much more energy
into finding the perfect backpack
than I ever have in dating
or finding a relationship…
heh.
not even gonna analyze that….}}