cause i am dorky....but you knew that....that's why we are friends...

Every year,
I choose one word
to be a compass for the year….
some years, it works out
fantastically (like glow! and adventure!),
other years can be a bit of a bust.

Last year my word was Resolve…
which was ok…i mean…it worked….
I did some grown up stuff,
and I came to terms with some stuff
about me and who I am/was/hope to be.

But I didn’t really feel like it
lit a fire under me…it was just….
ok as a word.

This year, I chose CULTIVATE…

And I am pretty excited about this.
I feel like this is the year
I start to put the broken pieces of myself
that I have been picking up off the floor
and digging out from under the bed
and finding tucked into the back corner
of the closet
and start nurturing them, putting them back together,
to nourish and love and encourage
the little geek girl in me…heh.

This year will see a resurgence
of the 50 in my 50’s list
(see how flexibly I keep adapting the
title to make it work with my procrastination….heh)…
I want to be a year
of learning and growth and
deepening my current friendships/relationships
and being open to new ones.

I want it to be year of loving life…
embracing it fully and if you are in my life,
be prepared for my attention and affection
and hopes that you will join me
in grabbing this year
by the throat and loving it hard and with feeling.
(yeah, sometimes I am overly dramatic…)

Life is short.
What matters to me right now
are the people in my life…
the experiences we share,
the adventures, the connections…
I want to look back at 2023
and feel a full heart,
to know I lived a year in
honesty and vulnerability…
with my pollyanna positively annoying attitude
and that every day,
I tried to make someone somewhere smile,
even just a little bit….
cause that makes me smile, too.

Sooooooooooooo….
consider this fair warning…
oh, and if you are up for
paintballing, rockclimbing
or tandem skydiving,
let me know.
heehee.
:)

farewell to 2022....

i know that sounds dramatic
but….
i’m allowed.

i have been sick.
that’s gotta buy me some
artistic liberties, i think. :)

all in all,
2022 was actually a pretty good for year
for me.

a bit of a recap in bullet point form:

• got a new laptop named iris

• tried chef’s plate with mostly success

• made a smurf display in the corner cabinet

• watched roughly 19 years of grey’s anatomy IN ONE YEAR

• wisdom tooth extracted after about 9 years of “it’s fine”….

• survived COVID (August - made me miss family camping)

• survived pneumonia (December - SO MUCH WORSE than COVID)

• purple hair in various iterations

• read 38 books! (goal was 35)

• survived fiona with one tree down & a mcgyvered sub pump

• rebuilt the deck with Cam’s help

• painted many things in my front yard purple, orange & yellow, including the door (purple)

• my dad’s emergency surgery scare

• did the wellness cocoon, acupuncture, chiropractor & may have gotten a family dr

• brought home samir the squishmallow, a car tent, a pink car mattress & a hammock

• got a park pass, went roadtripping — Wolfville with Cathy; Isle Madam with Andrea; and Cabot Trail with my brothers & wives & island-tripping with old friends home from away Angela & Chris

• got coyote spray and reclaimed the trails!!!!

• saw the skydiggers again with Cathy, heehee

• pushed out of my comfort zone with 80’s rollerskating!! and the Land & See photography workshops!!

• had a totally sweet and unexpected surprise on my birthday

• did the grown up stuff — Bell cell phone saga; got the furnace cleaned; replaced a door knob ALL BY MYSELF

• saw an almost really big murmuration!!

• listened to 182, 207 minutes of music

• sat wayyyyyyy too close to the fireworks; went to the parade; stock cars and smash up derby; minions movie; (all of this by myself and that’s ok) :)

i did some creative stuff, too, but….
not really enough to talk about.

painted some cards…did most of a month of inktober…
started a floral alphabet, finished nothing.

but that’s ok.
some years you do, some years you don’t.

but…..i kinda feel excited about 2023….
i have plans and goals and aspirations and
i feel all butterflies-in-my-belly
when i think about it,
and THAT is a good way to feel
about a new year coming in.

i hope the end of december
finds you happy and loved and
full of turkey dinners and
super sweet cupcakes…

and sending you all the best for 2023!

It's been a long, long time....

I’m not sure what happened.
Summer blew by me in the
blink of an eye.
Now it’s September,
the end of September at that
and I am trying to get myself
back into productive mode
but it’s been hard,
I won’t lie.

But every day,
I get at least one more stupid
grown up task
crossed off my
grown up list…
(and add 3 more, heh).

Some bullet point truths I have learned
(or in some cases, relearned)

• no name diet cola is pretty ok. It’ll do in a pinch.

• extreme weather still terrifies me & makes me want to cry

• i LOVE jello cups…like….LOOOOOVE

• routines and consistency calm me even though I fight them

• fine tip felt pens are ♥

• admitting you need help with something doesn’t mean you are weak…it’s not a flaw…it’s kinda sorta a strength….(but still awful hard to do).

Hoping that this stupid stupid head
hurricane fiona
gets downgraded or dissolves
or whatever it is stupid hurricanes do
to disappear….
I have books and diet coke,
a sump pump plan of action
and possibly a flashlight maybe….
I think I will hunker down
with a weighted blanket and
some jello cups, a couple cartoons
and a pug
until all this goes away.
♥

a slightly broken brain...and bit of honesty (& a very long post)

A couple of weeks ago,
I was given the opportunity
by a sweet, kind friend
to attend a photography week long experience
that I have always coveted
going to but honestly never
expected to be able to go.

When asked if I would like to attend
Dave Brosha’s Land & See
in my friend’s place…
well…honestly…I hesitated
pretty hard.
And that is a little odd for me.
I tend to be the girl that
says yes to things that
scare me
without really thinking
of the consequences
until usually moments before
I find myself doing something
that scares me.

But something was different this time.
I was really hesitant, nervous, scared, holding back.

But, in the end, I went.

I am not going to lie.
The first few days were hard.
Hard. I was so incredibly out of my comfort zone
in a million little ways…
a large group of people
which I automatically know I don’t do well with
because I am introverted and shy…
a great deal of very expensive equipment
which made me mad at myself for feeling
inadequate but yet felt inadequate all the same…
a lot of technical talk…f stops and shutter speeds
and ISO and apertures….which is kinda like
math for me….I can get the answer but only
on my own. If there is anyone else around,
my stupid brain automatically erases anything I knew
and giggles when I stutter…..

I would be lying if I said
the second day was better…
in fact, I stayed home the 3rd day.
But I did go back the 4th day
and the last day,
I finally relaxed.
I talked to people.
I laughed.
I loosened up just a little bit.
And I even stayed for the supper
that, had you asked me on Monday,
I would never have dreamt I would stay for…
(my brain also makes fun of me
when I eat in front of other people…)

NOW THE GOOD STUFF:

Because there was SO much good stuff.
Dave and Erin were so incredibly welcoming and friendly and fun.
The location was a beautiful old barn and the property was lovely.
The speakers were out of this frigging world awesome….
I mean seriously.
Mountain climbers, portraits, b&w, pets, adventure, editing, self portraits, families, film
so much goodness.
And everyone was so kind and sharing and down to earth…
The models were all so gracious and sweet and talented.
The meal was amazing.

The speakers were all amazing and inspirational in
sooooo many ways but I felt a real connection with
one of the presenters who does the most out of this
WORLD self portraits…she talked about using flickr
in the beginning which immediately caught my
attention because I used that too in the beginning….
and it reminded me of how fun the “beginning” was.

I pushed myself out of my comfort zone
to talk to her and I am so happy that I did.
And at the end of the week, before I left,
I stopped to say good bye to her and her equally amazing partner
and she said “we saw you opening up and talking
to people…..and we were so proud of you.”
♥♥♥

It is a funny thing
to feel that you are unseen,
blendable, camoflaged in your quietness
and then to feel
seen.

I can’t explain it.
But it’s a hell of a good feeling.

And I realize now,
though I refused to see it at the time,
that I was likely not the
only “new” person there,
not the only person that felt
a little awkward and shy and inadequate
(by our own standards).

Hindsight is 20/20.

All in all, I am soooooo glad that
my kind friend allowed me to take his place for this
and that he kind of pushed me to go
when I was hesitant.
And if you have a chance to try something
like this, say yes.
Even if it scares you a little…or a lot.
It will be worth it in the end.

I am going to share some of the photos
I took during the “exercises”.
I will preface this with that I am “ok”
with how these turn out but not really “happy”
I am cutting myself some slack though.
I know my limitations.
I know that it is not in my nature
to participate closely in a group activity…
I am better on the sidelines…from a distance…
behind a tree….haha. I let my brain tell me
that I shouldn’t be there. And I listened.
It is what it is.

:)

And one last thing…
when I am out of my element with people,
I nervous-doodle…
usually geeky little self portraits
to make myself feel
less…..alone.
Heh.

Thanks for sticking with me
through all my weirdness.
♥♥♥

a little mini-stay-cation

I have been off since last Thursday…
and I feel like I have made the most of those days.

Supper with the girls
at Island Stone Pub Wednesday night…
beach day with an old friend
Thursday in Cavendish
then supper on the boardwalk
at Poutine Plus where
I got to see some old friends
that always makes me happy
and an adorable little 3 year old came
and sat with us to eat her food…
then a walk on the Summerside boardwalk
to finish off the day…

Friday was Canada Day
and I was sunburned and
kinda missing how when the
kids were little
and we’d all spend Canada Day
together…
but I decided to do the
Homestead Trail in Cavendish
with the additional MacNeill Loop
so…10 kms.
I had a little rest/nap on one
of the benches partway through…
heh.

Friday night was fireworks
in Charlottetown…
which I think I might have sat
directly UNDERNEATH…
but still pretty enjoyable
plus I got to hear Fabulously Rich
and glad that I went
even if I went all by myself….

Saturday was trying out the new
car tent…which I love!
Attempting a walk but the
thunder rolled in
so spent some time at a beach
reading and eating fresh strawberries…
Saturday night, I went to the
movies all by myself to see
the new Minions movie in 3D…
and I am so glad I pushed out of
my comfort zone to do that.

Sunday was spent
early morning setting up
at the beach with
my little beach tent
and a radio
and a book…
some friends came by
and hung out for a bit
just before another
thunder storm rolled in…
I got the tent down literally
just - in - the - nick - of - time.

And I still have one day of vacation left :)