sometimes...

sometimes
i talk
too much…
a lot…
non stop…
i get excited
about all the little things
& i just want
to share
and share
and share some more…

and sometimes…
i don’t want
to talk at all.

i am sleepy
and quiet
and i can’t
find the energy
to get out of
my own way…

maybe both extremes
are ok…
two sides of my tarnished
bent and broken coin…
maybe i should just lean into it
and stop
trying to fight it….
trying to always be
energized and bubbly and creative.

it’s ok to rest, too.

especially on rainy days.
♥

also i seem
to be on a little
fairy kick…
not sure where they are coming from…
but i like that they are visiting
and that they don’t eat all the
candy…just a little bit.

the search for the PERFECT ADVENTURE BACKPACK.....

i was all prepared
for a wordless wednesday post
but then
i realized
it’s actually thursday
(and technically,
it’s kinda my friday
since i am off tomorrow.)
:)

it’s a rainy, cool evening
and i am determined to find
the
PERFECT ADVENTURE BACKPACK.

this has been on my list
of things to do for months.

here’s the thing.
it needs to be cute
but functional….
can be worn with jeans
or a dress….
but doesn’t hurt my shoulders…
and it needs to carry:
- a journal/notebook
- a small pencil case (possibly 2)
- an emergency can of diet coke
- sunscreen
- candy
- bug spray
- lip smacker (root beer flavor)
- a snack
- car keys
- my phone
- a handful of smurfs
- coyote spray (& that needs to be easily accessible)
- headphones
- my wallet or at least my debit card…

this has been wayyyyyy harder than
i anticipated.
i have literally been looking for
MONTHS.

the perfect backpack is out there
waiting for me,
i just know it.

maybe tonight’s my night.

{{also i just realized that
i have literally put THIS much more energy
into finding the perfect backpack
than I ever have in dating
or finding a relationship…
heh.
not even gonna analyze that….}}

and then it was sunday and the week was over...

but what a good week it was.

the truth is
sometimes
you get caught up in the
i SHOULD be
doing/wanting/buying/needing/completing
and you
kind of
forget
that you can be
perfectly happy
just
being.

i spent a lot of time
this weekend
just being…
reading in cars by the water,
eating sugary lemon filled doughnuts,
climbing rocks in the cold
on a quiet, barren beach,
binge watching a show that i have been hoarding,
playing with the camera on my phone,
singing loud and driving slow while convincing
myself NOT to try to try the dirt roads yet….
and mostly
just being by myself.

and it was a very good week.

Robin’s lemon filled doughnuts are my favorite.

jellybean got a little dirty…but it’s happy dirt… :)

this show. oh my heart. this show.

and now i am finishing off the week
planning a new week
and drinking caramel drizzle coffee
with lots and lots and lots of hazelnut creamer…

happy april!! let’s see what kinda trouble we can find this month! :)
♥♥♥

is everyone like this?

or am i broken a little bit? heh.

this is how many directions i have gone in today:
(to be precise, within the last 2 hours)::

making a to do/goal list for next week
which led to making a spring bucket list
including a possible large scale chalk on the street project,
planting marigolds with the tomatoes
should i repaint the raised beds
oh i need to get a ladder so that i can touch up the
paint on the house
so i should get some more gravel
for the walkway
which led to googling
how to make my own concrete
and then wondering when do strawberries
come out and oh!
i should build a small greenhouse
OR a greenhouse/TREEHOUSE
and i need to get rid of all the winter
coats i didn’t wear this year
is it cold out now, maybe i should go for a walk
but if i build a bird feeder can you even still feed the
birds or is that not allowed but i could
turn that green birdcage into a little dollhouse
kind of thing and where did i put the lights
that i bought for the sesame street lego
and oh! could i try embroidery?
also why do i feel like i am getting a headache.

maybe i’ll take a nap.

it’s not just me, right?
this is normal brain traffic, i think.
or just nod halfheartedly and i’ll
move on to something else shiny in
a minute or two.

thinking thoughts out loud...as i often do

I just renewed this website
and the cost was higher than I had intended
(my fault for not paying attention)
so now I feel like I better start using it
to make good on the extra money I accidentally put into it.

But also the brighter longer days
are making me dizzy with
excitement…there are so many things
I want to do…
so many things that I struggle to focus
on just one thing
to settle down on doing…
and instead I make list after list
of what I could be doing
instead of actually doing anything….

But….baby steps. :)

I have been writing this blog for a long time.
I don’t really do it for any reason other than
as a way to document my life for me…
it’s a way to push myself to do things…
to find ways to be creative.
I am not going to be famous….I don’t need a huge readership…
I am not looking for likes or follows or shares but I do love the
connections it occasionally brings me.
I just want to be able to look back and smile
and think
oh….I remember that day.

I remember feeling that way.

I remember doing/making/seeing/hearing/eating that. :)

All that said,
I am going to come here more often….
and I am going to use this to push myself
to not just make the lists
but actually COMPLETE something on said list.

I’d love it if you come along for the journey
but only if you wanna.
If this kinda thing feels cringey to you…
selfies and affirmations and slightly sad attempts
at poetry and lopsided sketches
and a multitude of photos of candy, ice cream and doughnuts
then….
you might want to avoid this page.
And I’ll totally understand. Heh.
♥

But it’s about to get messy.
And real. But fun.
Cause at 52, I can’t keep worrying what
other people think….
I started life as the “weird” kid in class,
I may as well keep going. Consistency is key.
:)