the truth is i have a home energy assessment thing
scheduled for today
and i am full of nervous anxiety…
you forget what your house
might look like to others,
that don’t know you…
that don’t know your story.
it’s the broken-down ramp,
the sketchy doors,
the trimless upstairs windows,
my well intentioned but somewhat sad
attempts at spray foam,
my clay basement,
my muddy messy yard,
my christmas tree still on the deck…
not to mention the living room
of smurfs, robots and
hopeful vision boards.
the truth is
i feel like i move backwards
almost as much as
i move forward sometimes…
i feel like sometimes
after a big step forward,
i am frozen for a bit.
but i think that’s ok.
it’s like finding your balance….
it’s ok to rest a moment,
get your bearings,
reset your course if you have to…
take a breath.
stand still.
the truth is
it’s hard to push yourself
out of your comfort zone
but once you do it…
it’s kinda freeing.
exhilarating.
yesterday i wanted to cancel
this assessment…
i wanted to cry…sulk…kick things…
i was mad at myself for booking it…
but i know
that when it is over,
i will feel so much better that i did it,
whether it helps me or not financially,
at least it’s done.
:)
the truth is
i tend to turn
little things
into
big things.
heh.