i am not gonna lie.
i kinda had a tough weekend…
i don’t usually
feel sorry
for myself
but
this weekend,
well…
the furnace acting up is one thing…
but the furnace
acting up after i just replaced
the stupid oil tank…
and the issue with the furnace
added to the roof leaking
and the downed trees that i still need to move
plus the side door
i need to replace…

well.

the furnace acting up
was just the straw that
might have temporarily broke me.

but….
the good news is…
i feel better now.

first of all, we have a great furnace guy.
he came as soon as he could
and he is coming back tomorrow
and hopefully, we will be all fixed up again
when he leaves.

and today
i wanted to do farm day in the city
but just didn’t have it in me…i was sad and worried and well,
just feeling kinda “i-give-up”-y so
19 spent the day with me…
i had apple picking on my 50 before 50 list
so he totally humored me
(even though I know he definitely had other things
he could have been doing)…and said let’s go.

he reached all the tall apples for me
and made me laugh…
we drove down dirt roads,
took photos of cows,
stopped in to see my parents,
and then went out for supper
(five dollar fill-ups at KFC for all!)

and
by the end of the day
i felt far less “i give up” ish
and much more
grateful
for the things in my life
that **really** matter.
(*and*…i can cross apple picking
off my 50 before 50 list!)
♥

I generally don’t have a car on fridays anymore
so I have to take my adventure days
when I can get them…
this week, it happened to be on sunday.

I took a drive to Bonshaw
and did a little part of the trail there.
Fun fact…when I am on the trail with my camera,
I may be in there for an hour or more
but have only walked for 15 minutes.
Every detail catches me…
I stop for moss and mushrooms,
rotting tree trunks, bright colored leaves
and mud puddles.

Today was no exception.

The truth is I have been struggling a little bit lately
in an up and down kind of way.
Some days, I am perfectly happy being by myself
(not that I am ever really “by myself”,
I have my amazing kids and family and friends)
but other days, I struggle a teeny tiny bit.

Which is what I love about getting out with my camera.
I can lose myself for hours
looking for angles and light and color and bokeh
and when it all comes together
it just makes me so happy….
like this photo below…I smiled the rest of way down the trail
because I knew I was going to love this one,
I knew I got my “one good shot”.

and sometimes,
i think….
you have to lose yourself
a little bit in something
in order to find yourself.

When I think back to
where I was a year ago…
well….I don’t even like to think
about this time last year…
things were pretty dark and dreary and sad and scary
but that kind of helps put
my little “down days” into perspective.

It makes me realize how far I have come.

Honestly…
this is not what I came here to write today
but it’s what came out…
so I am going to go with it
and this time next year,
I can come back again
& see how much farther I have gone.

Forward is forward…even the baby steps…
and if you are struggling with something right now,
go easy on yourself…and know you are not alone either…
:)