i was on my own
pretty much all weekend…
i think
somewhere
along the way
i started thinking
that i was alone
maybe too much,
that being alone
this much
was a bad thing,
a failing,
a problem to be solved,
something
to be kind of
embarrassed about…
a void to be filled
with distraction
and conversations
and attention.
but doing that
is not making me
happy.
this weekend,
i worked on the course,
took naps,
cleaned the house,
watered the garden,
ate fresh cucumber & tomato & raspberries…
read a book,
hugged the cat,
made supper for the kids,
laid in the grass & watched the clouds,
laid on the beach and
listened to seagulls and waves,
ate tiny doughnuts
and baby cupcakes,
tried not to look at my phone very much,
listened to new music,
scribbled in a journal,
painted a tiny watercolor,
chased the sunset
down dirt roads….
and i think i forgot
that
i
make me happy.
i make myself happy.
i forgot that i kinda like
being on my own…
and…i’m good at it.
(and this is not to say
that i don’t fully enjoy
and appreciate the time
that i spend with my family
and friends…i really, really do.
just somewhere
along the way,
i lost my way…
and felt that i was missing
something…
but i realize now
that something
can’t be forced.
if it’s gonna happen, it will.
but for now…
there’s no rush.)
:)
Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better.
Henry Rollins