tuesday truths...too much truth...but it's tuesday....

the truth is
sometimes
i feel like
maybe i
have become
too happy,
too comfortable,
too content
all on my own.

sometimes
i wonder if
i will ever
be able to fit
another person
into my life
again….
i am just not sure where
or how
or the logistics
or the ramifications…

i am afraid to
upset this
delicate balance
i have built of
being happy
on my own…
(and let’s not lie
i am also afraid
of being hurt,
of confrontation,
of drama,
of other people talking about me,
of perceptions, of judgements,
of hurting someone else,
of someone wanting me to change,
of losing control…)

and i am so happy right now.
i feel like i live in my own little
fragile soap bubble of bliss…
full of candy & ice cream
and doing what i want
when i want
how i want…
full of friends and family,
cats and a pug,
colors and giggles and music…

i am happy.

if i am going to ever be with someone else,
it has to add to equation…not subtract, not divide,
not make me question my worth, my self esteem, my quirks…
and maybe it has to happen accidentally…
you know, like the kind of thing
you don’t plan,
you just slip into it
because it feels right
without trying.

anyway.

that’s my tuesday truth.
i actually came here
to write about spotify
but then this leaked out of my brain
and onto the page
so…this is what you get today.

:)

tuesday truths...

the truth is
we have hit that time of the year
when the
sun fades to darkness
as i hit the end of my workday
and i find that hard…

part of me just wants
blankets and pjs,
books and hot chocolate
or a netflix series i can lose
myself in for hours.

but i have been reviving the
inspiration jar
this last couple of days
(ok…truthfully, just since yesterday)
but honestly,
IT IS SO FUN.

i had kinda forgotten what i
put in there for ideas
so it’s been fun to pull one out
and see how i am going to spend
my time.
i have decided that whatever comes out,
i will spend at least half an hour on
unless i get inspired by it
and then it can be without time limits.

tonight’s was read blogs for inspiration
which then lead to a new blog post
so yay! ♥

(but i can’t lie…
at some point tonight,
there WILL be pjs, blankets & hot chocolate…
that’s a given.)

but on that note…
what have you been reading/watching/listening to
in the early dark hours of evenings?
i need inspiration.
:)

tuesday truths...the one where i babble

the truth is
i have been slipping.

i started january
with big plans
and lists and goals
and i did really well…
and then, i slipped a little.

but now i am getting back
on track…
the days are longer,
the snow is melting,
i am honing my lists
and sharpening my highighters
(ok, well, not really
cause…that’s kinda bad for them)

this means
i am going to try to get back
to the page again…
and out with the camera
and back to the little blue desk
and…
ummmmmm….
so….i might even
be shooting a wedding again!!!
:)

for a sweet girl who has been a
friend of the family
forever…
i couldn’t say no.
but i do feel rusty and nervous…
it’s been a long time.

but if you don’t push yourself,
you stay stuck…
and i don’t like to be stuck.

i feel alive and energetic
and excited…it’s a
good way to feel.
♥♥♥

tuesday truths...

• the truth is i have a home energy assessment thing
  scheduled for today
  and i am full of nervous anxiety…
  you forget what your house
  might look like to others,
  that don’t know you…
  that don’t know your story.
  it’s the broken-down ramp,
  the sketchy doors,
  the trimless upstairs windows,
  my well intentioned but somewhat sad
  attempts at spray foam,
  my clay basement,
  my muddy messy yard,
  my christmas tree still on the deck…
  not to mention the living room
  of smurfs, robots and
  hopeful vision boards.

• the truth is
  i feel like i move backwards
  almost as much as
  i move forward sometimes…
  i feel like sometimes
  after a big step forward,
  i am frozen for a bit.
  but i think that’s ok.
  it’s like finding your balance….
  it’s ok to rest a moment,
  get your bearings,
  reset your course if you have to…
  take a breath.
  stand still.

• the truth is
  it’s hard to push yourself
  out of your comfort zone
  but once you do it…
  it’s kinda freeing.
  exhilarating.
  yesterday i wanted to cancel
  this assessment…
  i wanted to cry…sulk…kick things…
  i was mad at myself for booking it…
  but i know
  that when it is over,
  i will feel so much better that i did it,
  whether it helps me or not financially,
  at least it’s done.
  :)

• the truth is
  i tend to turn
  little things
  into
  big things.
  heh.
  

tuesday truths....

the truth is
i find february hard…
long and slow and tedious.

i try to fill my days
and nights with books
and movies and music…
things that will inspire me,
filling the well if you read artist way…

i try to accept that
this
is the perfect time
to hibernate,
rejuvenate,
restore, renew, rest…
but i start to get
itchy feet…
i want to get out and about again.

i have to remind myself
that this will pass.
that the days will get longer.
and warmer.

and that i should take a cue
from finnegan
and just catnap
while i can…
and wherever i want. :)