the truth is i have a home energy assessment thing
scheduled for today
and i am full of nervous anxiety…
you forget what your house
might look like to others,
that don’t know you…
that don’t know your story.
it’s the broken-down ramp,
the sketchy doors,
the trimless upstairs windows,
my well intentioned but somewhat sad
attempts at spray foam,
my clay basement,
my muddy messy yard,
my christmas tree still on the deck…
not to mention the living room
of smurfs, robots and
hopeful vision boards.the truth is
i feel like i move backwards
almost as much as
i move forward sometimes…
i feel like sometimes
after a big step forward,
i am frozen for a bit.
but i think that’s ok.
it’s like finding your balance….
it’s ok to rest a moment,
get your bearings,
reset your course if you have to…
take a breath.
stand still.the truth is
it’s hard to push yourself
out of your comfort zone
but once you do it…
it’s kinda freeing.
exhilarating.
yesterday i wanted to cancel
this assessment…
i wanted to cry…sulk…kick things…
i was mad at myself for booking it…
but i know
that when it is over,
i will feel so much better that i did it,
whether it helps me or not financially,
at least it’s done.
:)the truth is
i tend to turn
little things
into
big things.
heh.
tuesday truths - methods of madness
Every time I cut the grass,
I imagine how it must look
to an observer….
and likely
how frustrating
it would be for someone
who is a perfectionist,
precise and logical
to watch me
cut the lawn.
Because I feel my methods
are neither precise nor
logical.
I start in the front yard
and refuse to shut the lawn mover off
once I have started
because I am afraid
that will be my signal
to give up
and go get ice cream.
Instead,
I run it as I take to the backyard
which would be fine
except there is not really
any grass
in the middle yard.
Just sticks and chestnuts
and branches and bamboo
and did I mention the chestnuts?
because that is important.
I got hit in the forehead the other day
by a flying chestnut that the lawnmower
spit out with impressive vengeance.
Which would not have happened,
if I had shut the lawn mower off
to take it to the back yard.
My technique for cutting the lawn
starts off with straight lines…
well…somewhat straight…
but then, sometimes I see a patch of grass
over there that maybe I should cut RIGHT now
and then I go halfway around a tree
but there are branches that I haven’t cut up yet
so I play chicken with them,
seeing how close I can get to them before the
lawnmower wire gets all wrapped up in a branch
or I hit a big one…
I also cut half the lawn with
my eyes partially closed
and a scrunched up scared look on my face
because
I have only partially raked
and I know there are still loose sticks
and…maybe some rocks…
so I never know what I might run over…
last time, I ran over a rope
AND a plastic bag that got snarled in the blades
and I had to cut it out with a knife.
I kept my eyes open for that part.
Oh. And I shut the lawn mover off.
And sometimes, there might be a little
random patch of forget me nots
or…sometimes…dandelions
that I don’t have the heart to cut down
so I mow around them….
And I picture someone
precise and logical
observing me cut the grass
(usually my dad comes to mind)
and it makes me laugh…
which probably makes me look even stranger…
giggling to myself as I randomly
zigzag and circle and wander about
being totally illogical and
intentionally imprecise.
And then…
I go get ice cream.
march bullet journal - i like turtles...
I am not sure why
but turtles seemed to take over
my brain when it came time
to create my bullet journal
for March…
i kinda liked that sleepy little guy above…
and the upside down one below…
well, i’m pretty sure that’s a self portrait.
it’s definitely how i feel sometimes…
right now in the big orange house:
diet coke, salty crackers, Guns and Roses really loud,
and working on cards for mother’s day.
backyard gardening
a favorite next door neighbor stopped me on the street
on my way to the parade
and said
oh! your garden! it's gotten so big!
it's like a little rainforest in your backyard!
:)
she said she checks it anytime she walks her dogs
which makes me smile
because
i check it 4...5...10 times a day.
i water it...i pull some weeds...
i move a sprawling cucumber vine
hoping it will catch and hold the branches
i put in for support...
i count the strawberries
and look for baby string beans...
and, of course, i take pictures of it.
i feel like the closest neighbors
must think i am a bit of an obsessive nut.
but it draws me back again and again.
and already i am thinking about next year
and what i will add and what i will do different...
so yeah...maybe the obsessive nut thing
isn't that far off.. :)
digging in the dirt...
if you know me at all by now
you have probably figured out
that i tend to replace one obsession
with another...
yes, the weddings are done
and i have SO much free time!
which means i have to FILL it
with something else...
the play is also all done (& it was so much fun!)
so now i have moved onto gardening...
which is something i have always WANTED to do
but never seemed to have the TIME for...
and look what i have lots of now?
time.
:)
now i just need the knowledge...and the money.
heeheehee
i have been driving my husband crazy
talking about the garden
and the plans i have and could we do this?
and what if we did that?
and i agonized for days over where to plant
the lilac tree
and then the night right AFTER i planted it,
they called for frost.
i think it was ok though...so far, so good.
i have killed off/ruined a bunch of sunflowers
by starting them too early in the house
and they got all leggy and spindly and weak...
but the string bean plants i started look a little healthier.
i thought i killed off the poor baby rhubarb plant
because when i took it out of the pot to plant it
i was like...wow....there's not much for roots in here...
until i emptied the soil out
and saw that's where all the roots were!
but it seem to be making a brave attempt at a comeback
so we'll see.
and i finally finished what i have been referring to
as the "purple purge".
this was pure hell.
i was regretting that i started it about 1/4 of the way in
but it's all out now!
we used to get some pretty purple flowers in the side flower bed
but then this purple plant TOOK OVER the whole bed.
i thought, oh, i'll just dig it up and replant to make it "cut flower bed".
the purple plant did not want to be dug up.
but roughly 49 hours later of digging, tearing, cursing, crying,
stomping, shoveling, raking, complaining and questioning
why i ever thought this was a good idea
and it was done!
i wish i had taken a photo of it before...but...i didn't.
the gnomes are back and i bought a bird feeded
which the birds have not noticed yet
and it's driving me crazy.
just come eat the damn bird seed
and entertain me with your cuteness already!