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the big orange house
Summerside, PE
902-439-4562

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friday i'm in love...(& weirdly not an Easter version...)

April 7, 2023 Arlene Giddings

I love a long weekend. ♥

I feel a distinct push/pull
in my life this week.
One minute I am hyper focused,
the next I am floundering
around panicking about ants
(so far there have only been a few
but it doesn’t take much to push me to panic mode),
attic pigeons, low oil level in tank
and hoping it will come in time,
and wondering why I can’t keep on top of
literally ANYTHING.

This will pass. I know it will.
Maybe it’s the moon as one friend suggested.
Maybe it’s just hormones.
Maybe it’s just who I am. :)

I am always surprised
to keep learning things about myself
to be honest.
I mean…it seems strange to be surprised
at this stage of the game…

But I recently listened
to a woman talking about her
struggle with depression, anxiety,
adhd and OCD tendencies.
She talked about
how her method/thought process
for laundry sorting
became key to realizing that she
had some level of OCD.

I sort my laundry
the
exact same
way.
and thought that EVERYONE did.

Not that it necessarily means anything
one way or the other,
but it just
surprised me…& made me think…
the things we consider quirks or strategies
may be seen as signs or symptoms of something else
and you just never even considered the idea
because you assumed everyone did it the same
or thought the same or reacted the same or
whatever…

Being a person is interesting. :)

THINGS I AM LOVING:

♥ sunshine & longer days (even it is bringing the ants out)
♥ i finished daisy jones and the six and IT SO DID NOT DISAPPOINT!!!!
♥ i am totally drooling over this sofa.
♥ rewatching the office with my girl. she loves dwight & angela but just love jim and pam.
♥ seeing the kids on my street out playing all day…scooters and bikes and stopping by to pet pugsley…and ask if i know i still have my christmas decorations up….and halloween, too. Heehee. :)
♥ i watched this last night…while home alone….which i will tell you now was not a good time to watch it but it was very, very good.
♥ and april is national poetry month…here you go.

and here’s a doodle of a fruit bowl…just because. :)

In friday i'm in love Tags friday i'm in love, geek girl ink, boston strangler, the office, my girl, jim and pam
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funny how little it takes to change your mindset (also....cursing ahead, sorry mom)

February 14, 2023 Arlene Giddings

It’s funny how little it takes to
rearrange your mindset sometimes
and turn what started as an icky day
into a fantastic day…

I felt a little sad this morning
thinking about made up malarkey holidays
and more because sometimes I am shocked
that I have gone this long
alone
since my marriage ended and for a moment,
I will admit I was a bit sad,
a little bit what is wrong with me
am I broken and if so, how broken am I…
and also….will I ever be fixed?

and then I thought of the last couple of years
of marriage where I started to think that I was
literally going crazy, wondering if I was losing my mind,
checking his phone, wondering if he was really where he said he was,
second guessing him, second and triple and quadruple guessing myself…
only to find out in the end my suspicions were
actually right…
I can’t tell explain the hell that is.
To wonder all the time. To not know what is real,
what is true, what is honest, your gut screaming at you to see the truth
but your heart covering your eyes and saying
look away…you don’t want to see this.
you know it’s true but you don’t want to know it.

and then you do.
you know it.
and you can never un-know it.

and once I remembered what that felt like…
I was like…
fuck that. :)

I am soooooo incredibly happy on my own.
That’s not broken. That’s healing.
That’s growth. That’s fucking powerful and electric and
full on laugh out loud joy and security in myself.

I spent about 5 years writing
I just want to be
truly happy and secure

in my journal.

and the truth is
now
I am.

(And this is, in no way, a slight or attack on my ex husband.
The fact that he cheated is not a secret.
There is no one that could be angrier at him than he is
at himself for what he did. This is
not about what he did,
this is only to say
how I felt…those are 2 different things, I believe.)

All this is to say that after I had that
magical little shift of mindset,
I saw an eagle circling right above my house.
I made chicken breasts with lots of brown sugar and pepper
and a delicious salad for supper and
watch rom-coms turned really loud just how I like them.
I had bubble gum pop shoppe pop.
I ordered new pjs and socks.
I went to the mall and
was my own frigging valentine… ♥

and then my sweet girl
surprised me with an awesome present
with unicorn face masks and chicken bones and
toys and cinnamon hearts!!!

and then I came here
and saw I HAVE 3 COMMENTS ON
YESTERDAY’S BLOG POST!!!!

What a frigging great day!!!!! ♥

Wherever you are, I hope you are having a great frigging day, too.
And if you are with someone you love, make sure they know it…
that they feel secure and happy….cause….that’s important, I think.

In grateful, pep talk, she's so weird, words Tags words, bad words ahead, healing, truly happy and secure, valentines, my girl
2 Comments

friday i'm in love...

October 26, 2018 Arlene Giddings

♥ fall leaves
♥ beautiful light in the morning and the view from my work window
(well…except for that day it SNOWED in OCTOBER. that was not beautiful. it was blech.)
♥ getting home to find an adorable halloween card from your bestie in your mailbox instead of
the constant barrage of “vote for me” fliers…

♥ and also the view from my “work” window at home…
(where i paint my cards and doodle my doodles).
i love love love that birch tree.

♥ that my girl posted this video for me the other night…
i was feeling a little down (she didn’t even know)…
and this totally made my night.
and….not going to lie…yeah, i LOVE prince
and that she chose that song for me
but the fact that she misses me…that was the part that
kind of made me cry… ♥♥♥♥♥

♥ the tips of my fingers have been cracking and peeling
which is totally weird and annoying…i have never had
had this happen before (and no…this is not my Friday-love, haha)
but i tried this stuff AND IT SEEMS TO BE WORKING so far…
fingers crossed…(hahaha. see what I did there…)

♥ i love this radio station…the music is great and the
announcers are not annoying which is usually my
biggest pet peeve with radio stations but this guy
is my total favorite….he toys with people that call in
and makes me laugh out loud…and…i like to laugh out loud.

♥ this show. have i already told you about this show?
i apologize if i did. But seriously….IT IS SO GOOD…
dark humor, brilliant writing and THERE ARE PUPPETS.
not going to lie…i have been googling “how to make a puppet”
since watching it. :)

In 2018, friday i'm in love, my girl Tags friday i'm in love, the edge 102.1, kidding, puppets, my girl, o'keefes
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they told me this would happen...

February 27, 2018 Arlene Giddings

I mean...
I knew that they would grow up.
That's kind of the point, right?

I just didn't think it would feel like it happened
so damn fast...
that she would be off in another province,
working 3 jobs, taking charge of her life...
that he would get so tall,
and so self sufficient.
That they would take planes and trains
and buses all by themselves.
That the panicky texts would not come from them,
they would directly come from me...
did you get there?
are you on the plane?
have you eaten?
did you check in?
did you get your baggage?
did you ask anyone where to go?
don't talk to strangers!

and that the
short but sweet reassurances
would come from them...
all good!
i'm here.
pretty sure this is right.
love you too

He flew away today all by himself
to Toronto
to take part in a conference that the Student's Commission
puts on...he attended last year
and this year, he is helping to facilitate
and I couldn't be prouder
but I'm not gonna lie...
I miss him already.
The house is too quiet without
the sound of a Jetta revving in the shop...
no stories of paint jobs and
rims he found online
and what plans he has for the tail lights
or who cut him off while driving today.

Tuesday feels a long way away.
♥♥♥

In 2018, my boy, my girl, we are family, words Tags my boy, my girl, family, i'm not good with change
1 Comment

just a bunch of words...

November 13, 2016 Arlene Giddings

i have been pretty quiet here...

i'm not really sure why...
i just feel
quiet.

where have i been?
catching up at work,
catching up at home..
trying to catch up on editing...
catchingupcatchingupcatchingupcatchingup
it's a never ending race
and i never seem to feel
like i have crossed the finish line.

feeling like i am spinning my wheels
a lot...
but not gaining much traction.

i don't know if it's the whole presidential debate
and how i am avoiding social media now because
i am a bit of an ostrich
happier with my head in the sand
than reading the apocalyptic facebook statuses...

or if it's the time change
and the deep darkness falling at 5:00 pm...

or maybe it's sinking in for real
that my boy will be graduating this year...
and that now, when i am alone in the house
(which used to make me very happy, by the way,
to have the house all to myself),
but now, when i am alone,
i get this impending sad feeling that someday
this is how it will be a lot of the time...
a quiet house...no blaring tv, no game cube,
no bickering, no playstation, no vine videos,
no one yelling out of the blue just because that's what she does...

or maybe it's a little bit of giving up the weddings...
on one hand, i keep thinking how great next summer is going to be
but, still makes me sad on another level...
change makes me sad.

and then leonard cohen died...

and i feel like time is playing tricks on me.
it's messing with my head.
it's making me think too much.

or
maybe it's just the chicken i ate that was over 2 weeks old...
:)
 

In she's so weird, words Tags words, midlife crisis, my boy, my girl, family, change, leonard cohen
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