you just feel like
chocolate-y chai tea
and
big warm sweater....
a book and
and fuzzy soft blanket...
i think i am still in hibernate mode.
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you just feel like
chocolate-y chai tea
and
big warm sweater....
a book and
and fuzzy soft blanket...
i think i am still in hibernate mode.
I mean...
I knew that they would grow up.
That's kind of the point, right?
I just didn't think it would feel like it happened
so damn fast...
that she would be off in another province,
working 3 jobs, taking charge of her life...
that he would get so tall,
and so self sufficient.
That they would take planes and trains
and buses all by themselves.
That the panicky texts would not come from them,
they would directly come from me...
did you get there?
are you on the plane?
have you eaten?
did you check in?
did you get your baggage?
did you ask anyone where to go?
don't talk to strangers!
and that the
short but sweet reassurances
would come from them...
all good!
i'm here.
pretty sure this is right.
love you too
He flew away today all by himself
to Toronto
to take part in a conference that the Student's Commission
puts on...he attended last year
and this year, he is helping to facilitate
and I couldn't be prouder
but I'm not gonna lie...
I miss him already.
The house is too quiet without
the sound of a Jetta revving in the shop...
no stories of paint jobs and
rims he found online
and what plans he has for the tail lights
or who cut him off while driving today.
Tuesday feels a long way away.
♥♥♥
■
I just realized there is no diet coke in the house.
None.
■
My hip hurts. My hip has never hurt before.
I am not liking it.
■
I went to a writing group on Saturday.
This was my second time going.
I think this is exactly what I need in order to make myself
actually sit down and work on something...
I need that accountability.
And it is obviously not working to pretend that
I will hold myself accountable
because apparently, I have a very soft heart
that believes every sob story excuse I tell myself.
And the great thing about this month's session
was that I admitted up front
that, while this was the start of a story,
there is a very good chance
that I will never finish it
because I have never finished ANYTHING in my life.
They kindly pointed out that I had indeed finished the story
that I shared the week before
but...that was like
1900 words.
That kind of story I can handle.
A snippet. A page or two. A scene. A scenario.
It's putting a bunch of those together
and calling it a cohesive story that I struggle with.
But after I read the group my story about Bernadine,
they told me I had to write more
because they wanted to know
what was going to happen next...
(and...to be honest...so do I!)
and that they would be expecting to hear more
at next writing group.
:)
I've been struggling a little this winter...
I haven't quite been myself.
Winter always wears me down but this year
I'm a little bit sadder, a little more uncertain...
my self confidence is a little worse for wear
and my heart feels a little bruised...
I feel like if I pretend hard enough
that everything is A-OK...then...
maybe I can fool myself too.
And for the most part...it works.
But I am starting to feel a shift.
The days are getting just a smidgen longer...
that tiny extra bit of brightness
has been enough to push me forward a couple of steps.
I can feel a little spark of energy...
and I want to turn it into a full blown fire.
I have been getting back out with my camera
and even went back to the gym...
made it to yoga...spent some time in the hot tub/sauna...
walked through snow filled woods...
and started some new art projects that I am excited about.
I'm reading books and joining book clubs
and writing groups...sometimes you just have to
force yourself to keep going...until you realize you
aren't forcing it anymore...
there IS a light at the end of the tunnel...
just keep swimming
(OK. I might be getting my sayings confused
but you get my snowdrift).
today marks the end of another year.
part of me wants to say good riddance
but i realize that although i struggled a little with 2017...
it was not all bad.
i planted a much too large and very active garden.
i chose ADVENTURE as my word for the year
and then went on many "friday adventures" which i LOVED doing.
i had some items for sale at the Muddy Crick Market.
i kayaked (and did not drown).
i joined a gym (and actually went).
i read 20 books...almost hitting my goal of 24.
i got to be in a 2nd play and it was so much fun getting to yell at people
and be a little "unhinged" as my character Laura.
i went to see the truck and tractor pulls in crapaud.
i drove down lots of dirt roads.
i ate ice cream sundaes every chance i got.
i drew many, many robots...not 365 yet but still working on that.
when i look back at that list,
i have to admit it was a pretty good year...
which gives me hope for 2018.
we all have rotten stuff that goes on behind the scenes.
stuff you don't want to talk about, stuff you don't want to display.
i would be lying if i said that things are always
as sweet and easy as ice cream sundaes and fluff filled doughnuts
over here in the big orange house....
but i am sure that is the same for anyone.
but i am making a conscious choice to go into 2018
with the intention to be positive...
which is why
when i thought about
what i would set for
my goals and resolutions this year,
i have decided that instead of
the usual
go to the gym/lose weight/pay the bills on time/cut out diet coke
i am going to focus on
FUN.
fuck it.
why not.
so this years resolutions will include:
boardgames
lego
friday adventures
roller coasters
puzzles
kayaking
camping
farmers markets
making new friends
spending time with old friends
live bands
building a snowman army
getting a bike
road trips
sleepovers
laughing til you almost puke and pull a muscle in your ribs
water balloons
saying yes
catch you on the flip side of a brand new year!
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥