whatcha readin'? {goal 35::book 9}

Oh, how I loved this book.

Once again, I really wasn’t expecting anything.
I don’t even know where I got this one…
and I had just bought like 3 new books
but saw this one sitting on my end table
(where it has sat for about a year
untouched
in full view)
and for some reason,
the blue-green cover suddenly caught my attention.

And it kept my attention.

The writing was beautiful, lyrical, sensory
and full of evocative imagery…
I realized after that this was a Reese book club pick
and then I was like yeah, I can see that.
I always love the books they pick.

Anyway, it was a beautiful read.
I was sad to see it come to an end.

Definitely 5♥♥♥♥♥’s out of 5
NEXT UP:: SISTER STARDUST - JANE GREEN

deep sunday thoughts...a tiny confession...and one bad word

I keep thinking I am going to get
to this page more…
and then I don’t.

I trip, I stumble,
I post 3 times in a row…
I don’t post for a month.

I write posts in my head
but they don’t make it to the keyboard….
they leak out of my brain
along with payments due
and grocery lists and
lyrics I thought I would always remember.

Age is a funny thing.

I never cared much about my age…
I always felt younger than what the numbers
on my license add up to…
but lately, I see changes I don’t like…
a flabby neck, weight that gathers quicker
and stays longer, deep lined creases
that go beyond smile lines.

And mostly….I am ok with that.
Mostly I am ok with me.

But some days, I feel an inkling of fear,
trailing me, tracking me…
whispering what if you are always alone….
or is that what you really want?

(and I don’t know the answer)

52 is starting to feel like
the awkwardness of 15 again.

I don’t know how to dress my age,
I don’t know how to be me anymore,
I don’t know what this me is supposed to look like.
I don’t know what she wants to look like
because she is fickle and undecided and
happy as can be and yet painfully lonely,
content and positive but scared as hell in the middle of the night….
some days she wants to move to the country,
get some power tools, dress only in overalls
and let her hair get as long and tangly as it wants
while she goes around with dirty bare feet
and paints everything purple
and polka dotted.

And some days, she wants to drive away from everything
and cover the rear view mirror with thick black paint
so she can never look back.

52 is a funny age.
Maybe even more so
when one is alone
and the decisions are
not driven by anyone else….

I am driving my own ship…
I chart the waters, I choose the direction…
I can push it forward,
or I can run it aground…

Either way….it’s all on me.

That’s both liberating…
and fucking terrifying.

Anyway, once more…not what I came here to write
but these are the words that came out
so I share them
just in case someone out there
might be able to relate.
*waving hello & yelling “we got this!” if you are in this boat too.

maybe none of us are alone

or maybe….we all are.
♥

friday i'm in love ♥♥♥

It’s a quiet, contemplative friday
in the big orange house….
rain hitting the window,
pretty music playing,
lilac candle lit…

I feel very
sensory
today…slow, calm, thoughtful.
I feel hungry
for things…in a way I can’t explain…
soft, loose clothes…
the smell of wood smoke, bubbly sprite in a fancy glass,
fresh berries, juicy jams on thick buttered toast,
books in a steamy bathtub,
misty rainy walks,
thick body creams that smell like marshmallows,
i want to lose myself in moments
by myself…wandering, wondering
and just absorbing life.

Days like this
I want to shut off social media,
I want to disappear in a little cabin
in the woods…I want to get lost in
music and books and nature.

I have been feeling
conflicted
lately…walking a thin line
between completely happy and content
and being confused and uncertain and
honestly…a little scared
but I am not even sure of what.

Age maybe.

I fear being alone
almost as much as I fear
opening up enough
to allow myself to
let someone else in.

And that
was Friday’s confession.
Heh.

Somedays I come here to write one thing
but something else comes out
and I say eff it and hit publish.

(cause maybe somebody else feels like me)

FRIDAY I’M IN LOVE WITH:

♥ this song. I love that it’s by a band called Whiskey Myers. And I love the twang. :) And the harmonica.
♥ i always love this blog but this post really struck me today.
♥ just a “nice, plain walk” - best advice ever :)
♥ yes please
♥ i got bamboo!! Hmmmmmm.

friday i'm in love....♥♥♥

It’s the kind of night
that’s a little bit crisp,
a little bit cool
but the sun is still shining
and I just can’t make myself
go inside
so I am wrapped up
in a blanket
curled up in the pop tent
with some ginger ale
in a fancy glass
while I click away
on my laptop
and I am happy…

truly seriously happy.

FRIDAY I’M IN LOVE:

♥ with how this budget walkway turned out….
I wasn’t really sure at first but now I am so happy with it

♥ polka dot dresses and naps in the hammock

♥ with watching this with my daughter…
she had never seen it so it’s fun to watch it with her.

♥ this perfect poem for today

♥ starry, starry skies

♥ perfectly lemony, perfectly powdered sugary doughnuts

I hope you had a fantastic friday! :)

whatcha readin'? {goal 35::book 8}

I feel like lately the only thing
I get on here to write
are “whatcha readin’” posts
which is good in a way…
it means I have been reading a lot
but I haven’t been saying much more.

There is lots going on for sure
and now that I have figured out
how to write blog posts
OUTSIDE
well…….
you may be hearing a lot more from me
(which may be good
or bad
depending…heehee).

Back to the book.
I picked this up
because of the cover and
the title
and the author’s name
which seemed so perfect
for a book about witches….
Hester Fox.
Like…..yeah. ♥

It was a good book…
It was a nice quick easy read…
the writing felt a little….
young to me,
if that makes sense.

But it was an enjoyable read.

3.5♥♥♥’s out of 5
NEXT UP:: THE SCENT KEEPER - ERICA BAUERMEISTER