that time i actually left the island...for another island...

October 18, 2020 Arlene Giddings

for years
i have been saying
i am going to go back
to cabot trail.

when we were kids
cabot trail was the family vacation
for many years…
4 kids (sometimes more)
2 adults (sometimes more)
jammed in the back of a van
with no windows
and no seatbelts
(sounds more like an abduction, i know
but i like to flair on the side of the dramatic…heehee).

this year, i did it
with the help of my brother and his sweet girlfriend
who let me tag along
with two of the teenage kids
and it was so much fun…
(plus i had my own window AND a seatbelt!)

we had to do a pretty quick trip
but it was so fall and pretty and
was also a great time to spend some concentrated
time with family.

i can’t wait to go again.

(also…one more thing off my 50-in-50 list!)

half a century...&...well...this is one where i ramble...but...with excitement & purpose...kinda :)

September 9, 2020 Arlene Giddings

the honest truth
is
i don’t really plan on
aging gracefully….
ever.

i am going down
with a fight.

i will not be contained
or constrained by ideas of
what “women my age”
should say or
do or
listen to
or wear.
(and small slightly sad side note, these ideas often seem
to be enforced and monitored
by other women…which blows my mind…
but that’s a whole other post, hahaha)

well…i say….
eff that.

i plan to deepen my smile lines
by laughing as much as possible
and accenting my silver hair
with shocking pops of purple
or maybe even pink, if i want…
or maybe, i’ll just let it go totally gray….
the only limit is what will make
me happy…cause….

all i want
in life
is to be happy…
there are always going to be bills,
sickness, sadness, stress…
you can’t avoid those things
but i am
choosing
not to let them dictate
my second half of
the century.

i am the author of that story.

and all i really want is
adventure and laughter,
self awareness,
giggles and good food,
time spent with friends
and family,
time to create and explore,
try new things (except food…haha…let’s not get crazy)
and fucking embrace. my. life.

i want to be excited by ideas
and peoples and places…
every day….even in the mundane….

i want to live my life like a friday adventure
with the music loud
and the windows rolled down
and my hair blowing in my eyes…
and to sometimes throw the map away
and just follow wherever
the road goes.

age is a number.
it’s not a box. or a law. or a rule.
i am not upset at being 50.
i am excited.
i am aware of but not ashamed of my
slower metabolism, my wrinkles,
my slightly sagging neck, my weird
always-showing-gray roots hair…
but
i am healthy. i have amazing friends and family.
i live on an island that i never get tired exploring.
i love my job, my silly little 2009 civic,
my falling apart at the seams orange house….
i love my life.

i am happy. :)
i am happy being me…whatever version of me
that is today…tomorrow…or years from now…

life really is short…live it. love it.
and let go of the fear
of what other people think…
chances are
what they think has more to do
with them,
than with you….
oh!!! and make sure to eat the ice cream
before it melts!
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

“Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.”
WALT DISNEY

happiness is a full tank of gas...

August 30, 2020 Arlene Giddings

and a good playlist…

no destination
means sometimes
you end up in Greenwich

where the nice park guy
probably thinks you are a nut bar
because the first time you see him,
you panic because you think
maybe you were supposed to pay
to get in and you were going
to come back to a note
on your windshield again
so when he says hello
you say
was i supposed to pay?
i can go back
all panicky

(and no, there was no charge).

and then
when you meet him later
on his bike
you panic again
and say
am i on the wrong side
of the yellow line?
is this where i am supposed to be?
should i be over there??
in a panicky voice.

(it didn’t matter what side of the yellow
line you were on).

these were taken at the beginning of summer
but I am just getting around to posting them now.

blogging has taken a bit of a backseat…
along with everything else
but hoping to get back on top of things again.
:)

things i think i forgot i knew....

August 9, 2020 Arlene Giddings

i was on my own
pretty much all weekend…

i think
somewhere
along the way
i started thinking
that i was alone
maybe too much,
that being alone
this much
was a bad thing,
a failing,
a problem to be solved,
something
to be kind of
embarrassed about…
a void to be filled
with distraction
and conversations
and attention.

but doing that
is not making me
happy.

this weekend,
i worked on the course,
took naps,
cleaned the house,
watered the garden,
ate fresh cucumber & tomato & raspberries…
read a book,
hugged the cat,
made supper for the kids,
laid in the grass & watched the clouds,
laid on the beach and
listened to seagulls and waves,
ate tiny doughnuts
and baby cupcakes,
tried not to look at my phone very much,
listened to new music,
scribbled in a journal,
painted a tiny watercolor,
chased the sunset
down dirt roads….

and i think i forgot
that
i
make me happy.

i make myself happy.

i forgot that i kinda like
being on my own…

and…i’m good at it.

(and this is not to say
that i don’t fully enjoy
and appreciate the time
that i spend with my family
and friends…i really, really do.
just somewhere
along the way,
i lost my way…
and felt that i was missing
something…
but i realize now
that something
can’t be forced.
if it’s gonna happen, it will.
but for now…
there’s no rush.)

Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better.

Henry Rollins

friday i'm in love (the movie & music edition)

July 24, 2020 Arlene Giddings

So….this is not really a love or a like…
just an observation so far
but Google Play (music)
is switching to YouTube music…
I’m not sure how I feel about it yet.

I listen to music daily..
even more now that I work from home.
It plays in the background all day,
in my car, all night when I sleep.

The only time I don’t listen to music
is when I am going for a walk.
I want to hear “outside” when I am outside.
Also, I am afraid to wear headphones
in public because I am afraid
I will sing out loud
and nobody wants that.

I have different playlists for
activities, moods, holidays, people…
and my tastes range from
a to z
and almost everything in between.

I am currently loving:
♥ angus & julia stone

♥ paper kites

♥ dermot kennedy

which kind of leads to a movie
that has completely stuck in my head
but mostly
because of music….

Rudderless

I adored this movie.
Billy Crudup
Anton Yelchin (who I might have the tiniest crush on)
it was sweet and thoughtful,
funny and interesting
AND OH THE SOUNDTRACK.
they do a cover of
the wheels on the bus
that I absolutely loved….
it’s not quite the same on the OST
but sooooo great in the movie….

and the song
sing along
breaks my heart every time.

I love movies about music…
got any suggestions? :)
or whatcha listening to?