whatcha readin'? 2019 {book 16::goal 25}

I don’t even know where or how I heard of this book…
but I am sooooo glad that I did.

I loved this book.
The intricate threads tying each person together
in ways I didn’t expect,
the backstory,
the reasoning behind the reasons…

But Kate & Peter’s story…well….
Kate’s story…
the creeping realization, the gradual descent into…
the delayed reactions and then the subsequent
futile motions of trying to figure out where it all
went wrong, of how to fix it, to apply rational logic
to something that defies logic & is completely
out of your control…
well.

That made me cry.

Because I saw myself in that.
I saw me.
As clear and as sharp as looking in a mirror.
I saw me.

So my opinion on this book may be a little biased
because of that….I suspect you are either drawn to
or run away screaming from
what you recognize in yourself….depending on the day.

On this day, it felt good to be understood,
if only by a fictional character in a book with a name
I can never seem to remember.

Also, I wrote this note after reading it:

“The only secret to love is to be kind” found in the acknowledgements.
♥

5 out of 5 broken ♥♥♥♥♥
NEXT UP:: THE GREAT ALONE - KRISTIN HANNAH

50 before 50

i am not gonna lie.
i kinda had a tough weekend…
i don’t usually
feel sorry
for myself
but
this weekend,
well…
the furnace acting up is one thing…
but the furnace
acting up after i just replaced
the stupid oil tank…
and the issue with the furnace
added to the roof leaking
and the downed trees that i still need to move
plus the side door
i need to replace…

well.

the furnace acting up
was just the straw that
might have temporarily broke me.

but….
the good news is…
i feel better now.

first of all, we have a great furnace guy.
he came as soon as he could
and he is coming back tomorrow
and hopefully, we will be all fixed up again
when he leaves.

and today
i wanted to do farm day in the city
but just didn’t have it in me…i was sad and worried and well,
just feeling kinda “i-give-up”-y so
19 spent the day with me…
i had apple picking on my 50 before 50 list
so he totally humored me
(even though I know he definitely had other things
he could have been doing)…and said let’s go.

he reached all the tall apples for me
and made me laugh…
we drove down dirt roads,
took photos of cows,
stopped in to see my parents,
and then went out for supper
(five dollar fill-ups at KFC for all!)

and
by the end of the day
i felt far less “i give up” ish
and much more
grateful
for the things in my life
that really matter.
(and…i can cross apple picking
off my 50 before 50 list!)

♥

tuesday truths...

I have been trying meditation off and on for a couple of years now.
Sometimes, I stick with it for a week or two,
then I slack off and come back to it again later.

I’ve tried Calm and Headspace and
really liked both of them but,
not enough to pay for them…
(the only app I pay for monthly without question
is Google Play because I need my music…)

And then I found Insight Timer
and I am SERIOUSLY loving it.
I haven’t been using it long but
I love that there are so many options
available to you…
no jumping through hoops,
no limited time offers…
just readily available to you.

This morning I did a 10 minute guided practice
by Jonathan Lehmann
that had music (which I love) and affirmations
(which I don’t normally love…)
but I really, really liked this one.

And I especially liked how he talked about the
quote above from Albert Einstein…
that literally set my mood and intention for the day.

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whatcha readin'? 2019 {book 15::goal 25}

I wanted to love this book.
I really, really did.

I love Amy Tan’s writing
and there were parts in this that made me
stop and take notice,
made me stop
so I could say the words out loud…
like this:

“Through writing, I dive into wonderment and come up
with corpses, whale sharks, pirates, and the head of a rose.”

Sigh.

And I love memoirs.
Especially writer’s memoirs.
I want to see how their brain works,
take out the pieces, bit by bit
and examine them under a microscope…
to study the synapses, the fires and misfires,
wondering how did you get here from
there.

But this one, well, maybe I was too hopeful.

There is no easy, nice way to say it…
I struggled off and on with the book
but the letters to her editor
just completely lost me…
I finished it only so that I could say that I finished it
and that’s not how you want to finish a book.

2.5 out of 5 ♥♥♥♥♥’s
NEXT UP:: ASK AGAIN, YES - MARY BETH KEANE

sunday adventures...& a little bit of unexpected truth...

I generally don’t have a car on fridays anymore
so I have to take my adventure days
when I can get them…
this week, it happened to be on sunday.

I took a drive to Bonshaw
and did a little part of the trail there.
Fun fact…when I am on the trail with my camera,
I may be in there for an hour or more
but have only walked for 15 minutes.
Every detail catches me…
I stop for moss and mushrooms,
rotting tree trunks, bright colored leaves
and mud puddles.

Today was no exception.

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The truth is I have been struggling a little bit lately
in an up and down kind of way.
Some days, I am perfectly happy being by myself
(not that I am ever really “by myself”,
I have my amazing kids and family and friends)
but other days, I struggle a teeny tiny bit.

Which is what I love about getting out with my camera.
I can lose myself for hours
looking for angles and light and color and bokeh
and when it all comes together
it just makes me so happy….
like this photo below…I smiled the rest of way down the trail
because I knew I was going to love this one,
I knew I got my “one good shot”.

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and sometimes,
i think….
you have to lose yourself
a little bit in something
in order to find yourself.

When I think back to
where I was a year ago…
well….I don’t even like to think
about this time last year…
things were pretty dark and dreary and sad and scary
but that kind of helps put
my little “down days” into perspective.

It makes me realize how far I have come.

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Honestly…
this is not what I came here to write today
but it’s what came out…
so I am going to go with it
and this time next year,
I can come back again
& see how much farther I have gone.

Forward is forward…even the baby steps…
and if you are struggling with something right now,
go easy on yourself…and know you are not alone either…
:)

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